Its not easy being a surrogate, with the questions, misunderstandings and general confusion about the topic. Most of my family and friends know so its been pretty easy this third time around. Stepping out of the box and having a photographer document the journey is a whole 'nother ball game. Since this would be my last pregnancy, and the parents last baby, we decided to take the plunge and have sweet "JenMcKen" follow us around for the day and the remainder of our journey. It was a fun and fabulous day with the parents, big brother and Jen along. I barely noticed her camera as I was more focused on my appointments. When the time came for her blog post, I was worried...what would people say? I was overwhelmed by the comments left by others. They were very positive, supportive and were so happy Jen was casting our story in such a positive light. Two comments were from mom's who had their children via a surrogate! I was so relieved! Along with relief came the fear, our private life was out in the open! This mostly secret life I had behind the scenes of my regular life of wife & mom was out in the open. Most people probably don't even know that the past six years were spent trying for this precious baby. At least 7 cycles and a miscarriage..and finally we're here at this point. Its surreal to see me in the photos..but I'm glad Jen is sharing this firsthand with us, and our amazing story is being told in such beautiful photos. Thank you, JenMcKen!! :)
Here's part of our story:
http://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/02/surrogacy-the-journey-blairsville-pa-photographer/
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Half way!
I'm 21 weeks, and my next appointment will be a busy one. The parents and big brother will be coming up for my OB appt, and then we have another appointment that day for a sonogram! The parents are hoping to find out the gender, so everyone is hoping baby cooperates. I'm feeling little bumps here and there, which is reassuring to me as well as the parents.
I've been lacking at updating my journal, but honestly, this is another drama-free pregnancy. It turns out, that is exactly how I like them! I had morning (or rather ALL DARN DAY) sickness which finally eased up at the beginning of this month. Other than that...not much exciting to report. Well, unless you count my disappointment at having to retire my favorite pair of jeans. Pat had the pleasure of watching me try to put them on one last time. It was a huge fail on my part, and both of us had a good laugh at the attempt.
The kids are taking this all in stride. They know more about surrogacy and babies than I did at their age. They are all aware the baby isn't mine, and will go home with the parents and big brother. The kids like that John will now have a sibling. The funniest thing about my kids being six years older this time around, is they have also had health class. The boys like nothing more than to ask "Hey Mom, how's the fetus?" with a big grin and giggle. I'm glad they are so smart...most of the time.
I've been lacking at updating my journal, but honestly, this is another drama-free pregnancy. It turns out, that is exactly how I like them! I had morning (or rather ALL DARN DAY) sickness which finally eased up at the beginning of this month. Other than that...not much exciting to report. Well, unless you count my disappointment at having to retire my favorite pair of jeans. Pat had the pleasure of watching me try to put them on one last time. It was a huge fail on my part, and both of us had a good laugh at the attempt.
The kids are taking this all in stride. They know more about surrogacy and babies than I did at their age. They are all aware the baby isn't mine, and will go home with the parents and big brother. The kids like that John will now have a sibling. The funniest thing about my kids being six years older this time around, is they have also had health class. The boys like nothing more than to ask "Hey Mom, how's the fetus?" with a big grin and giggle. I'm glad they are so smart...most of the time.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Finally, some good news!
We had another IVF transfer in late August. Jen and I decided that we weren't going to think about it or stress over it at all this time. It was a great strategy that actually WORKED!! After a few ultrasounds, I'm please to announce that Jen & Booth are expecting a new arrival in mid-May. John, who is now 6 years old, is excited to finally be a big brother. He's made it clear that he is not happy with the long wait to May. Its been a LONG road to get to this sweet sibling and I'm truly blessed to be making this little family grow once again.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Seriously?
If you read my last entry, you'll know the fiasco we've had this cycle. I can attest to the fact that the stuff that happened in the past 3 weeks is so not the norm. Unfortunately, our crazy cycle mishaps and issues have continued. After our camping trip, I went to MD for an appointment. The blood work was fine, as was the baseline u/s, but the Dr couldn't do the saline ultrasound as planned. Since I stopped the pill, I had another period and it was Day 5 and still heavy. There is a greater risk of infection, so I was not able to get it done. Never fear! I was told I could get it done locally. Yay!
After a few phone calls, getting billing all figured out, it was possible to have it done in Pittsburgh. The clinic had faxed my orders and I sat waiting for my name to be called. And waiting. And waiting. I went to the desk and ask if there was a problem. My fax was missing. They called the clinic and re-faxed. An hour later, I asked again, what is the hold up? They called the clinic and re-faxed. Sensing a theme? My name was finally called just an hour and 45 minutes after my appointment time. The tech was very nice, did the ab u/s and left to get the doctor for the saline part.
The doctor walks in and I can tell he should have retired about 40 years ago. I think he was about 129 years old. He says "Sorry, I can't do it today." Um, excuse me? He further explains that hospital policy is not to do any saline sonos after Day 10 of your cycle. He explained that I was on Day 12 and could possibly be pregnant and he would not do it. I explained that I could not possibly be pregnant and couldn't someone have passed this information on to me prior to me taking off my pants? Dr Old left the room. I was livid. I was left sitting there with no plans and no answers to my questions. I asked the tech "Now what? Get dressed? Leave?" She said to wait a few minutes, and have Pat call the clinic. I told her that I could have been to MD and had the u/s done by now! I sent Pat out to the hallway (for cell service) and had him call the clinic. He walks back in the room and says "The phones are shut off from 12 to 1 for the lunch hour." Um, really? I kept "venting" to the tech that this was crazy, nobody told me, I can't possibly be pregnant as my husband had a vasectomy. She looked at me and said "I'll be right back!"
A few minutes later, the tech walks in along with a woman that says "I'm your doctor and I'll be doing your procedure today! Let's do some paperwork and take a deep breath!" She explained that since Pat had a vasectomy and I was already in the middle of an IVF cycle that she would do the saline sono today! I was just relieved that she was born in the same century as me. She was fantastic, explained everything and was super nice. Signed some papers, had the sonogram and as a result of our crap-tastic day, the tech took a minute to give us a free parking pass. So, three hours after our appointment time, we finally walk out of the hospital.
I'm just giddy with excitement waiting for our next appointment!
After a few phone calls, getting billing all figured out, it was possible to have it done in Pittsburgh. The clinic had faxed my orders and I sat waiting for my name to be called. And waiting. And waiting. I went to the desk and ask if there was a problem. My fax was missing. They called the clinic and re-faxed. An hour later, I asked again, what is the hold up? They called the clinic and re-faxed. Sensing a theme? My name was finally called just an hour and 45 minutes after my appointment time. The tech was very nice, did the ab u/s and left to get the doctor for the saline part.
The doctor walks in and I can tell he should have retired about 40 years ago. I think he was about 129 years old. He says "Sorry, I can't do it today." Um, excuse me? He further explains that hospital policy is not to do any saline sonos after Day 10 of your cycle. He explained that I was on Day 12 and could possibly be pregnant and he would not do it. I explained that I could not possibly be pregnant and couldn't someone have passed this information on to me prior to me taking off my pants? Dr Old left the room. I was livid. I was left sitting there with no plans and no answers to my questions. I asked the tech "Now what? Get dressed? Leave?" She said to wait a few minutes, and have Pat call the clinic. I told her that I could have been to MD and had the u/s done by now! I sent Pat out to the hallway (for cell service) and had him call the clinic. He walks back in the room and says "The phones are shut off from 12 to 1 for the lunch hour." Um, really? I kept "venting" to the tech that this was crazy, nobody told me, I can't possibly be pregnant as my husband had a vasectomy. She looked at me and said "I'll be right back!"
A few minutes later, the tech walks in along with a woman that says "I'm your doctor and I'll be doing your procedure today! Let's do some paperwork and take a deep breath!" She explained that since Pat had a vasectomy and I was already in the middle of an IVF cycle that she would do the saline sono today! I was just relieved that she was born in the same century as me. She was fantastic, explained everything and was super nice. Signed some papers, had the sonogram and as a result of our crap-tastic day, the tech took a minute to give us a free parking pass. So, three hours after our appointment time, we finally walk out of the hospital.
I'm just giddy with excitement waiting for our next appointment!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The long, hard road...
Surrogacy is not easy. You don't just walk into a clinic, meet some parents and have a dr give you some embryos to grow. Its a long drawn out process. For me doing a sibling, it was much easier, or so I thought up until this past May. It is easier in the sense that most everything is done, paperwork, medical stuff, legal stuff. It was more difficult because the emotional bonds we have are so much stronger, so the hurt goes much deeper. I took a break from my blog because I didn't have the words. We were thrown for a loop, and I had feelings I didn't expect.
Our cycle in April was successful. We had positive, rising betas, and at the 7w2d u/s a beautiful heartbeat. We were thrilled, ecstatic~every good emotion you can possibly think of, that's what we felt. After six failures finally SUCCESS!! Then the nausea starts, and I felt like I was hit with a Mack truck. LOL I did get relief with meds and was just adjusting to hormones, meds and all that when I had a bleeding episode. That led to another u/s at 8w2d and it wasn't good news. I was here at home, not in MD, and the parents weren't up here. Just me. Pat was still in the waiting room. Just me and the u/s tech. I love her to pieces, as she's a family friend, and felt so horrible that she had to give me the bad news. It was Friday afternoon, arrangements and decisons had to be made, and quickly as we had to get back home and prepare for our daughter's first Prom. The u/s office got a hold of my Dr, and I had an appt with him immediately. I was able to talk to the parents. What could I say? It was the most difficult conversation ever.
I met with my Dr and we discussed options. Let everything happen naturally or opt for the D&E. I'd rather have things happen naturally, but with the calendar showing Memorial Day and a family wedding within the next two weeks, I didn't want anything to happen unexpectedly to have to miss those happy days. My Dr was very kind, explained everything, all the risks of both options. My head was spinning. If I chose to get it over with, that meant my first ever experience with anesthesia. If I chose to wait it out, heavy cramping and bleeding could come at any time in the next 2-3 weeks. Neither option was appealing. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and wake up later, praying it was just a dream. I opted for the D&E, and it was scheduled for Monday, May 23rd. I left the office numb..but wanting to just get on with my day and the Prom.
Since we didn't tell too many people about the cycle or the pregnancy, I felt pretty alone with the miscarriage. The thought of carrying something inside me that was no longer living and thriving was making me ill. I kept a brave face and was so thankful for Rissa's Prom to distract me from my misery.
The D&E went as well as could be expected. Anesthesia is something that nobody could prepare me for..LOL The weirdest thing ever! I woke up coughing, choking and crying. Lovely. The recovery room was more of a blur. I remember thinking, "Wow, it seems like only 20 minutes went by and I'm off to my regular room." When I arrived, Pat said "Finally!" I was in recovery for an hour and 20 minutes, not just 20 minutes. I still don't know where that hour disappeared to...
I had a quick recovery, no issues and the Dr cleared me to try again at my four-week follow up visit. He was so sweet and made sure to tell me it was nothing I did, these things just happen, and I could try when ever I was ready.
"Ready" is a word that is hard to define. Ready physically? mentally? both? I knew my heart couldn't take any more disappointment for the parents. But could I really walk away when they have four frozen embryos ready to go? I was ready to throw in the towel. It took me about a month to decide to try again.
Thankfully, frozen transfers are easier than a fresh. I had only birth control pills, estrogen and progesterone. No Lupron. Lupron is awful, and I was relieved to not have to deal with is this round. All we needed for this cycle was a good month and day to have the transfer. Summer has a lot of vacations for both of our families, so we decided end of August. I didn't want it any later than Sept 15, as I have no intentions of being 9 months pregnant in my daughter's high school graduation photos. lol The clinic set up a calendar quickly, and gave us the date of August 29th. All I had to do was call in on my cycle day 1, and start taking BCPs on cycle day 3. Piece of cake.
Or so I thought. Cycle day 1 was July 22nd, and my Pills were ready for July 24th. I've always had issues with the Pill, usually minor bleeding which is common. I only had to take them for 15 days, so I figured it wouldn't be too bad. Well, bad wouldn't even begin to describe the hell I went through for a week. I contacted the clinic several times (Wed, Thur, Friday, Sunday) with no call back and no help. FINALLY on Monday, Aug 1st I get some instructions on how to treat my issue of heavy bleeding. Monday was just too late. My body is usually borderline anemic as it is, and I could tell that this episode pushed it over the edge and I need some iron pills fast. I had to get my levels back up before transfer! I put in a call to my PCP and asked for blood work and iron pills. I had the blood work done on Monday, and got a call Tuesday morning. "Melissa, can you get up to the hospital for blood work today for a transfusion tomorrow?" Um..WHAT?
Yep, that's right. My iron was so low, my PCP ordered 2 units to be transfused on Wednesday. The day we were supposed to leave for our last vacation of the summer. So, as I sat there in the Infusion Therapy clinic for 6 long hours, I had a lot of time to think. Most of that time was spent wondering how in the heck I got myself stuck in that chair in the first place. All I wanted to do was help a couple have a baby! I can not put into words the anger, rage, fury I had going on in my head with the clinic. How dare they ignore me? I did what I was supposed to do! I called when there was a problem! I refuse to give them any more of my time, so let's just say the we all have a new nurse now.
So after all that, I ended up going camping with my family and trying to put the issues with the nurse and the clinic behind me. Although that didn't work well. I continued to get emails & voicemails from the clinic, I was ready to throw my phone in the lake.
I've spend the last week wondering how in the heck I ended up having a miscarriage, going through a D&E, my first time with anesthesia and my first blood transfusion in a matter of 10 weeks time? And all in the name of surrogacy? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I continue to go through shots, pills, appointments, time away from my family and (so far) get nothing in return for my efforts? My answer? I don't really know! What I do know is that when I look at my children goofing off and clowning around together, I know that there is a couple that wants nothing more than the same thing. Just the chance to have another child. A sibling for their little boy. This road is long and hard, much longer and harder than I ever expected. I can't throw in the towel, they have frozen embryos, and we're transferring two at the end of this month.
Our cycle in April was successful. We had positive, rising betas, and at the 7w2d u/s a beautiful heartbeat. We were thrilled, ecstatic~every good emotion you can possibly think of, that's what we felt. After six failures finally SUCCESS!! Then the nausea starts, and I felt like I was hit with a Mack truck. LOL I did get relief with meds and was just adjusting to hormones, meds and all that when I had a bleeding episode. That led to another u/s at 8w2d and it wasn't good news. I was here at home, not in MD, and the parents weren't up here. Just me. Pat was still in the waiting room. Just me and the u/s tech. I love her to pieces, as she's a family friend, and felt so horrible that she had to give me the bad news. It was Friday afternoon, arrangements and decisons had to be made, and quickly as we had to get back home and prepare for our daughter's first Prom. The u/s office got a hold of my Dr, and I had an appt with him immediately. I was able to talk to the parents. What could I say? It was the most difficult conversation ever.
I met with my Dr and we discussed options. Let everything happen naturally or opt for the D&E. I'd rather have things happen naturally, but with the calendar showing Memorial Day and a family wedding within the next two weeks, I didn't want anything to happen unexpectedly to have to miss those happy days. My Dr was very kind, explained everything, all the risks of both options. My head was spinning. If I chose to get it over with, that meant my first ever experience with anesthesia. If I chose to wait it out, heavy cramping and bleeding could come at any time in the next 2-3 weeks. Neither option was appealing. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and wake up later, praying it was just a dream. I opted for the D&E, and it was scheduled for Monday, May 23rd. I left the office numb..but wanting to just get on with my day and the Prom.
Since we didn't tell too many people about the cycle or the pregnancy, I felt pretty alone with the miscarriage. The thought of carrying something inside me that was no longer living and thriving was making me ill. I kept a brave face and was so thankful for Rissa's Prom to distract me from my misery.
The D&E went as well as could be expected. Anesthesia is something that nobody could prepare me for..LOL The weirdest thing ever! I woke up coughing, choking and crying. Lovely. The recovery room was more of a blur. I remember thinking, "Wow, it seems like only 20 minutes went by and I'm off to my regular room." When I arrived, Pat said "Finally!" I was in recovery for an hour and 20 minutes, not just 20 minutes. I still don't know where that hour disappeared to...
I had a quick recovery, no issues and the Dr cleared me to try again at my four-week follow up visit. He was so sweet and made sure to tell me it was nothing I did, these things just happen, and I could try when ever I was ready.
"Ready" is a word that is hard to define. Ready physically? mentally? both? I knew my heart couldn't take any more disappointment for the parents. But could I really walk away when they have four frozen embryos ready to go? I was ready to throw in the towel. It took me about a month to decide to try again.
Thankfully, frozen transfers are easier than a fresh. I had only birth control pills, estrogen and progesterone. No Lupron. Lupron is awful, and I was relieved to not have to deal with is this round. All we needed for this cycle was a good month and day to have the transfer. Summer has a lot of vacations for both of our families, so we decided end of August. I didn't want it any later than Sept 15, as I have no intentions of being 9 months pregnant in my daughter's high school graduation photos. lol The clinic set up a calendar quickly, and gave us the date of August 29th. All I had to do was call in on my cycle day 1, and start taking BCPs on cycle day 3. Piece of cake.
Or so I thought. Cycle day 1 was July 22nd, and my Pills were ready for July 24th. I've always had issues with the Pill, usually minor bleeding which is common. I only had to take them for 15 days, so I figured it wouldn't be too bad. Well, bad wouldn't even begin to describe the hell I went through for a week. I contacted the clinic several times (Wed, Thur, Friday, Sunday) with no call back and no help. FINALLY on Monday, Aug 1st I get some instructions on how to treat my issue of heavy bleeding. Monday was just too late. My body is usually borderline anemic as it is, and I could tell that this episode pushed it over the edge and I need some iron pills fast. I had to get my levels back up before transfer! I put in a call to my PCP and asked for blood work and iron pills. I had the blood work done on Monday, and got a call Tuesday morning. "Melissa, can you get up to the hospital for blood work today for a transfusion tomorrow?" Um..WHAT?
Yep, that's right. My iron was so low, my PCP ordered 2 units to be transfused on Wednesday. The day we were supposed to leave for our last vacation of the summer. So, as I sat there in the Infusion Therapy clinic for 6 long hours, I had a lot of time to think. Most of that time was spent wondering how in the heck I got myself stuck in that chair in the first place. All I wanted to do was help a couple have a baby! I can not put into words the anger, rage, fury I had going on in my head with the clinic. How dare they ignore me? I did what I was supposed to do! I called when there was a problem! I refuse to give them any more of my time, so let's just say the we all have a new nurse now.
So after all that, I ended up going camping with my family and trying to put the issues with the nurse and the clinic behind me. Although that didn't work well. I continued to get emails & voicemails from the clinic, I was ready to throw my phone in the lake.
I've spend the last week wondering how in the heck I ended up having a miscarriage, going through a D&E, my first time with anesthesia and my first blood transfusion in a matter of 10 weeks time? And all in the name of surrogacy? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I continue to go through shots, pills, appointments, time away from my family and (so far) get nothing in return for my efforts? My answer? I don't really know! What I do know is that when I look at my children goofing off and clowning around together, I know that there is a couple that wants nothing more than the same thing. Just the chance to have another child. A sibling for their little boy. This road is long and hard, much longer and harder than I ever expected. I can't throw in the towel, they have frozen embryos, and we're transferring two at the end of this month.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tick tock...
We transferred two beautiful blasts (5 day old embryos), and there are 4 that were good enough to freeze. I'm really hoping we won't need the frozen ones! Transfer was about a week ago, and another week left until the beta (blood test).
Hoping this 7th try was the lucky one!
Hoping this 7th try was the lucky one!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Lucky seven!
After our last try didn't work, I took a break from blogging & surrogacy in general. I had to take a break. The last failed cycle was mentally and physically exhausting. The meds take a toll, and its no fun being in total hormonal overload, with a big crash when the meds stop. It was nice to get back to my "regular" life and take a break for a little while. Jen mentioned in January they'd like to try again, and I was totally on board. I started meds in March and we're all ready to go! This is our 7th try, and hopefully the LAST try!! John needs a sibling!!
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